5 Steps to End Criticism In Your Relationship
How often do you find yourself criticizing, blaming or pointing out flaws in other people?
Now, how often have you experienced the harm that does to your relationships?
I have seen this countless times. Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t ask for what we need in a relationship. That is fine and important.
A relationship should be a place where we mutually care for each other.
However, criticism, blame, and negativity hamper and even destroy our relationships. Research shows it is one of the major causes of divorce.
Need help getting over your criticism? This post can help!
OK, so here’s the deeper truth:
That moment when you want to correct the other is the precise moment to correct yourself!
This is a very deep truth, and I’m going to give you the spiritual explanation why!
Ready? In case no one has told you before, this reality is not material.
In fact, all there is outside of you is infinite light/energy and possibilities!
Those flaws you see in others? They are your projections upon this perfect reality. We project everything!
We create our own reality. As inside, so outside!
So then seeing flaws in others, and having that urge to change and correct them, is really an invitation for us to correct ourselves!
Whatever it is that’s making us angry with others, or feel criticism towards them, is there to raise our own awareness of our need for correction.
So how can we do that? Here are a few pointers to help:
1. Delay Your Response
When you see something you want to criticize, do some work with it. Where can you find the same behavior of attitude within yourself? It may not be on the same topic or level, but be sure that it’s there! For example, if you are blaming your partner for not taking something seriously that you care about- try checking where you are not giving enough importance to something that matters.
2. Know What Needs to Change
You aren’t always going to know exactly why something triggered you into feeling criticism, and that’s ok. The most important thing to remember is that what we need to correct is always our ego-consciousness. We need to turn it from a mindset of separateness and self-absorption (which is our natural default) to a higher, unity consciousness where we are connected to others, and thinking of the well-being of the whole of which we are part.
That is the correction we all need to undergo, in a nutshell. It’s why everything happens to us the way it does- it is the school of life.
If we have that level of consciousness, we will project positivity upon the screen of infinite possibility, and see a world that is unified, harmonized, and perfect! This is our goal, and every time we see flaws in our external reality, it’s pointing us to make this inner change.
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3. Self Regulate
It can be mighty hard to overcome the ego’s urges to criticize and blame. If you see that your anger and criticism are about to erupt, but you don’t want to harm your relationship, you can take a time out! Just remember to say “I’ll be right back” if you are in the middle of a conversation with your partner. Take a small break and do something that shifts your mood and helps you regulate your emotion. This can be reading something inspiring, doing some work you need to do, listening to uplifting music, journaling, or chatting with a friend. Once you feel calmer and you can go back to your partner and continue where you left off. You can now ask for what you want in a way that it will be heard (without criticism or blame that will only make your partner defensive).
4. Keep trying!
You are going to get thousands of tries at this until you perfect your approach and correct your ego in its entirety.
So, just because you failed, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying! Don’t beat yourself up about it either. It’s Spirit’s way of helping you change and grow. Ultimately we don’t really change ourselves, we ASK to change.
So ask for that help, and keep up the good work!
5. Get Support
It is extremely helpful to have accountability in this process. If you know other people are also making an effort to change their tendency to criticize and judge, it empowers you to do the same. We need reminders, support and good examples to keep us going.
I am here for you! To support you on your path towards freedom from ego, and destructive habits in life and relationships. So shout out if you need any assistance!
I hope this helps you today! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!!
Author: Tal Mandelbaum
Tal Mandelbaum is a trained social psychologist, a spiritual teacher and a mom of two. She teaches online courses and workshops for spirituality seekers, who want to evolve their consciousness and create a life they love. Follow her on Instagram for more spiritual insights and inspiration!