Why Attachment Starts in the Womb
A mistake I see a lot of pregnant women making is that they don’t focus enough on their connection with their baby during those months of pregnancy.
It could be because they are working hard and are tired, or they don’t have the awareness of how important it is, or how to do it…
There’s a lot of information out there on how to eat better, exercise, and what supplements to take, but one of the most important things is often overlooked: the emotional and spiritual environment a mother prepares for her baby.
That is what Choosing to Connect is about! It’s about learning how to uplevel your pregnancy mindset, and be the nourishing, positive, and life-enhancing environment that your baby needs to be healthy and thrive!
In this post, I want to talk about the more psychological aspect of attachment and how to make sure your baby has a secure attachment style as he grows up.
Attachment theory goes back to the 1960’s, psychologist John Bowlby showed in his research how children’s relationship patterns were actually determined by the relationship they had with their primary caregivers during the first years of life.
The ability of the mother to take care of her baby’s fundamental needs and be attentive to them formed a an attachment that defined the quality of their child’s future relationships, their ability to connect to people, and whether they were open or closed off towards others.
Then research showed that attachment does not start at age 0-2 but much earlier than that, during the 9 months of pregnancy!
Watch my Facebook live on the topic!
This is a very important finding. You see, your baby is conscious from the 40th day after conception. He or she is perceiving the world through you and wants to connect with you.
Even though they can’t use their 5 senses yet, they are perceiving reality in a more internal way, and recording memories.
(side note: this perceiving sense is a more internal sensing mechanism, and it is actually something that is later hindered by the 5 external senses that evolve, so that we as adults, need to relearn how to perceive from that more internal place!)
So you should know that your baby is very perceptive during those first weeks and months of life.
That is when they are most perceptive, so it’s important to start attaching with them then, by talking to them and giving them the feeling that they are wanted and loved.
Your attention inspires their development and speeds it up, helping them develop more optimally!
What are the benefits of attachment during pregnancy?
The benefits are huge!
1. Attachment during pregnancy helps your baby develop and thrive in the womb!
Research shows that good attachment during pregnancy leads to better fetal development compared with babies deprived of this communication as fetuses.
2. A calmer baby and child.
Another thing that attachment will help with, right after birth and beyond, is that a baby that has felt loved, connected and communicated with during pregnancy, will be more responsive, calm, and easy to soothe after birth.
3. Your connection is important for baby’s future relationships.
Relationships are so fundamental. Research shows that relationships determine our well being, our health, and longevity and our success in life!
Focusing on that first relationship your baby will ever have, during pregnancy is incredibly valuable. By talking to your baby, connecting with them, and giving them a sense of security t during pregnancy, you can give our baby a foundation for healthy relationships that will serve them for life.
4. It helps with pregnancy symptoms and depression.
Attaching to your baby from the beginning of pregnancy and working on your spiritual development, will also help you with your physical symptoms! Research shows that pregnant women who feel more connected to their baby, have an easier pregnancy. It also helps reduce depression during pregnancy, anxiety, as well as your chance of experiencing postpartum depression!
Having that connection, going through it together, and focusing on your connection, helps you overcome pregnancy challenges. It puts them in a different perspective because your focus is not on your body so much. You are focused more on your heart center, your connection with your baby, and your spiritual development.
If you are working to elevate yourself spiritually, it lifts your attention from physical discomfort, and you feel so much better and lighter.
5. You become more aligned!
We live in a connected reality. We exist within Nature which is an interconnected system, so when you learn the skill of connection and practice it with your baby, your partner, and people around you, you are aligning yourself with nature, and that creates harmony in your life, and in your body. You experience a more harmonious pregnancy and birth and your baby is able to thrive and enjoy that harmony.
How To Foster Attachment In the Womb?
Being a positive environment for your baby takes constant effort to align yourself and your thoughts as best you can. For that to happen, you need to make connection a priority in your life- both with your baby and with those around you.
In this way, you make sure to provide your baby with positive emotional, cognitive, and spiritual examples and cues.
To connect with your baby and start creating a positive and secure attachment, the most fundamental step is to make sure you are talking to your baby as much as possible.
Talk to them about how much you love them, sing to them, and teach them about life. Talk to them about your daily experiences, and if you feel that you are stressed or anxious, let them know it’s not their fault, that everything happens for our highest good.
Secondly, Get your partner involved in your connection efforts. They are part of this triangle of you, them, and the baby. They should be part of this as well. Talk about it, and plan how you ‘re going to give your baby the best environment possible. This is something both partners need to be attuned to.
How Bonded Are You With Your Baby?
Find out how bonded you are with your baby and what you can do to create a calm, healthy, connected pregnancy!
The World is going through an intense change right now
So be gentle with yourself. Even if things aren’t going as smoothly as you would have liked, or if you are not as centered and positive as you would want to be.
Whatever that happened in the past, let it go.
Know that whatever happened, happened just as it should have!
We have free choice to do better in the moment, but what was even just a moment ago, happened just as it needed to happen. So trust that you are guided, protected, and loved and that you are getting better all the time!
Remember, it’s a process, we’re all learning, we’re all getting better every day, every moment, so be easy on yourself, be gentle with yourself,
Also, desire it in your heart. When you ask for connection and positivity to be your reality, it will be! The answers, tools, and opportunities will open up and appear for you, and you will have a happy, healthy, and thriving pregnancy and baby.
Getting the support you need
Often we feel that despite our best efforts, we are still not able to be positive or to avoid stress and anxiety. That is natural. For most of us, it’s not enough to practice connection and positivity on our own. We need the support of a wider environment, other mothers, a guide, and perhaps relatives or friends to give us positive influences that will help us rise above any negativity that arises.
As pregnant women we are more sensitive, we are hormonal, so its harder to stay positive, so we need that support.
To find greater support and guidance, sign up to be notified about the 5-DAY BABY BONDING CHALLENGE starting August 10th! It will be packed with practical tips, uplifting guidance and baby bonding fun!
Author: Tal Mandelbaum
Tal Mandelbaum is a trained social psychologist, a spiritual teacher and a mom of two. She teaches online courses and workshops for pregnant mammas, who want to have a calmer, healthier more consciously connected pregnancy. Follow her on Instagram for more pregnancy insights and inspiration!