How to Use Social Isolation to Deepen Your Relationship

I know what’s happening right now is scary and stressful- but I like to look at what we have to gain from it all. I believe that nothing happens by coincidence, and everything is a lesson in disguise.

If you haven’t downloaded my free guide for keeping calm and connected during this time- here it is again.

One of the better things about social isolation is that we get to spend so much more quality time with our partner and kids!

I mean, who ever imagined we would get so much time off of work to be home…together!

We have meals together, we have time to talk to each other, to play with our kids…

A lot of parents are saying they finally have the time to get to connect with their kids after years of being too busy to really spend enough quality time together.

And yet….this massive increase in time together, coupled with our inability to get out much…it can also be difficult!

A lot of couples are experiencing tension right now.

When circumstances change so quickly, it can be hard to get used to a new situation, but when you are pregnant and have a baby growing inside you and sponging up everything, or if you have your kids around, and even for your own mental health and well being- you really want to keep things as positive as possible.

Here are a few things that can help you navigate any tensions that come up for you during social isolation with your loved ones:

1. Take time outs

Social isolation means we are cooped up inside for lengthy amounts of time, and sometimes the space doesn’t seem to suffice. If you are used to spending most of the day apart, being together at home all day can be a big change. 

Plus, if your kids are home from daycare/school, you may feel that your alone time has decreased dramatically, if not disappeared completely!

So when you feel like your hormones are driving you nuts, or you just need a break, try to find a way to get some time alone.

This is easier when you don’t have kids :), but even if you do, you can ask your partner to watch them while you go take a shower, take some time to journal, relax and do what you need to recharge. If you can do some exercise that would be great too!

Taking little planned breaks can help you keep calm and stay positive.

When you come back from your break, you will be more energized and able to respond with calm and with love to your partner and your children.

2. Talk to each other

Ok, nobody asked for this, but the universe/nature/God has taken away a lot of the things that used to keep us busy (and distracted!), and put us together in a very intimate way.

It’s gotta mean something!
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We suddenly  have this time on our hands, this opportunity to rediscover our partner and to do things differently.

So make an effort to really talk to each other and discuss: how can we use this time to deepen our relationship?

See what comes up for you. Maybe it will be deciding to plan your time better so you each get enough done, while also making time for doing things you love together. Or, it could be that you take on a mutual project.

Whatever comes up, be open to what opportunities could be available now that you haven’t thought of before.

Every hardship is a blessing in disguise- so look for that invitation for connection within this situation.

If you have kids- it could be great to talk together as well. Sit together on the floor/mattress/carpet in a circle, and talk with them about what they feel, what they love to do, and just connect.

I tell my kids that during coronavirus, our mission as a family is to be more caring and sensitive towards each other. We talk about how we want to spend our days, and how we can use this time to create a better family atmosphere.

3. what to do when you feel triggered

Sure tensions are bound to come up. We have hormones, and there are all kinds of pressures and uncertainty right now. But your relationship can serve as a supportive, sacred space, if you use it correctly.

So here’s what you need to do: when you feel that annoyance coming up, the anger starting to raise its head…

Turn it around!

You know how in martial arts, the person who is assaulted, moves together with the opponent, using their energy to turn that momentum around and win the fight?

It’s the same here. Except we don’t want to “win”, we want our love to grow.

Say  your partner comes at you with criticism or blame… instead of snapping back at them and getting into an argument, tell them how much you love and appreciate them (but do it genuinely!).

This will completely disarm them, and help you keep the calm! 

They may still have that complaint, but everything will be different if you have used the situation and turned it into an opportunity to show them your love.
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Of course your partner needs to do the same for you!
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If you both take the flaws you see in the other and let that push you to change yourself, to be more kind and loving- you will both win! 

When you are pregnant or have kids around, that can be a great motivator. Talk about how you can both make an effort for the sake of your baby or kids- to keep tensions to a minimum. This is your mutual goal!

But don’t wait for your partner to be the one to rise above their annoyances and complaints, be the first to start! Your example teaches best 🙂

This is continuous work, but little by little it pays off tremendously! You can make social isolation benefit your relationship, because finally you have an opportunity to really focus on it. 

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How has your relationship experience been during lock down? Share it in the comments!

And of course, stay safe.

Let’s think of the new possibilities this is opening up for us, together, we can get through this, and even,  come out better than we were before. Sending you all my love!

Author: Tal Mandelbaum
Tal Mandelbaum is a trained social psychologist, a spiritual teacher, and a mom of two. She teaches online courses and workshops for spiritual seekers, who want to have a calmer, healthier more consciously connected relationship with themselves, others, and spirit! Follow her on Instagram for more spirituality insights and inspiration!